DEAR ABBY: I have a colleague – and great friend – who washes her hair maybe once a week and uses dry shampoo in between. (I once thought she had gray roots because the dry shampoo was so thick.) I know a lot of people do this, but her hair is excessively oily, and it looks unsightly and unsightly. professionals when she comes to work. It got to the point that several co-workers (and even one of her ex-boyfriends) asked me why she didn’t wash her hair more often because it looked so dirty.
I feel embarrassed for her, but I don’t know how to approach it and suggest that maybe shampooing more often would be better. Even when we have a night out on the town and she has all day to get ready, she still shows up with her greasy messy hair slicked back in a clip. Maybe she doesn’t realize the impression she gives. Do I tell him something? — A FRIEND WHO IS IN TREATMENT IN MISSOURI
DEAR FRIEND: Good friends take care of each other and watch each other’s backs. If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you want to hear it from someone you know who cares about you?
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DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. A friend of over 20 years, “Marci”, died eight months ago after battling cancer for four years. Just a month after the funeral, his wife, “Julia,” started dating. She got engaged four months later and married “Leslie” seven months later. When they started dating, Leslie was still legally married. My husband and I are godparents to the only child Marci and Julia have had.
I don’t trust Leslie. I think she took advantage of someone who was grieving. She is a nurse and should know better. I don’t like Leslie, and I don’t like his kids either. They moved into the house that Marci and Julia had built together just months after Marci’s funeral.
I pretty much removed myself from the situation. I no longer go to dinner parties or social gatherings with them. Seeing them together hurts my heart and stomach. My husband always goes out with them and seems to have no problem with it. This sometimes caused problems between us. He doesn’t understand my feelings and I don’t understand how he can handle them. Can you help me deal with this or tell me how I can get him to see my side and end the friendship? — STILL IN MOURNING MARCI
DEAR STILL GRIEVING: It might help your husband to be more understanding of your feelings if you explain to him that you are still deeply grieving over the loss of a beloved friend, and it affects you physically when you see Julia and Leslie together. He is able to “support” them because, even if their relationship may seem premature, he recognizes that they have moved on with their lives.
One way to deal with your pain would be to make a conscious effort to forgive them for their haste AND TO FIRST REMEMBER THAT YOU PROMISED MARCI THAT YOU WILL BE GODFATHER OF HER CHILD. The most effective way for this to happen would be to be present in your child’s life in a way that doesn’t always involve the parents.