the shell (it’s the shaggy mule)

A confession: until Saturday, I had not had a haircut since 2019. It’s not that racy, as the confession says, but every time I told someone, they reacted like if I had said I hadn’t bathed in two years. (To be clear: I have.)

It was all my fault, like most things. While I didn’t decide to make the haircuts illegal during the lockdown, I also didn’t make an appointment whenever it briefly became possible. I’ve lasted so long, I thought. “Let’s see what happens …”

What happened was my gradual transformation into a suburb of Morticia Addams – minus the cool goth style, plus decades-old jeans and layers of knitwear. If that doesn’t sound sexy, it’s because it wasn’t.

When the salons reopened after lockdown three, I knew my time had come. My bangs were shoulder length and the Morticia look didn’t work. I needed something new.

That’s when I came across the “shullet”. No, not one of those little onions you buy for a recipe, use two, then watch the rest go moldy. Rather, a word coined to save the time it takes to say “shaggy mullet” – about 0.5 seconds. Apparently, it will be the style of the summer. This summer, it’s not summer 1981. But tell it to Lorraine Kelly, who appears to be sporting not only a shaggy new outfit, but what looks eerily like a shoulder-length gray suit on next month’s cover. Woman & Home magazine.